TBFTGOGGI, and Other Catchy Band Names

It warmed the cockles of my cockles when I saw that, just yesterday, Gothamist ran a link to a two-month-old McSweeney’s article which mocked the name of local has-beens Clap Your Hands Say Yeah.  And today, the P’forkfolk have posted a new interview with the band.  Even their overexposure has overexposure, and those “Crap My Pants Say Yeah!” jokes are older than the average Depends customer.

But I’m grateful, as it gives me a chance to address something I’d been thinking about...

We all know that CYHSY took their unwieldy moniker from the above bout of Brooklyn-based graffiti.  But what if they’d seen the writing on some other wall?  The most memorable bit of scrawl I’ve ever seen was in (I think) the bathroom of the old, pre-yuppified Spring Street Lounge.  And would  “Be Happy!  You Could Have Bone Cancer!” honestly make for a worse band name?

Here, some might-have-beens/maybe-will-bes, courtesy of a quick Google:

“Beat the System! (Anarchy Symbol)=(Peace Symbol)” – This delicious mix of letters and symbols would probably best serve some radical techno group.  Typing out the abbreviation is arduous enough that you could prove yourself a true BtS!@=> fan just by doing so.  (photo from graffiti.org)

“Dianna Ross is Scrumptious” – It’s no Voluptuous Horror of Karen Black, but it ain’t bad.  The misspelling is going to help when it comes to picking up a domain name.  (photo from lisawhiteman.com)

“I ♥ Sweatshop Labor” - And who doesn’t?  Anything that strikes out at those skeevy American Apparel ads is fine by me.  (photo from sortroom.net)

“Do Yrself a Favor, Lynch a Scenester” – If you think this might offend the heart of your hopeful band’s fanbase, you don’t know just how repulsively drenched in irony the target audience is.  Pop didn’t want to eat itself, and none of these folks really want to be lynched (even if a few have earned the privilege).  Just remind yourself, as the crowd happily bops along to your cover of “Strange Fruit,” how unbearably genuine you fucking are.  (photo from tenementcity.com)

“Post No Bills, Dude” –  A big plus is that your band’s name will be everywhere, and without the unfortunate side effects of “Free Beer” or “Barenaked Ladies.”  It’s also loaded with questions:  Who is “Dude?”  Why should you care whether he posts bills or not?  The best part of the name is that its meat has the perfect number of syllables – three – for an encore chant.  “Post!  No!  Bills!  Post!  No!  Bills!”  (photo from nassio.com)

“Jethro Tull ‘84” – This is such an awesome band name that I’m tempted to start a band just so I can use it myself.  (photo from foothillcommunities.org )

“I Still Hate Morrisey” –The “Still” is the selling point, here.  Fans like a band with conviction, no matter what it may be.  Someone should name their band this simply so we can see message board comments like “Y’know, I really love Morrissey, but I actually kind of like I Still Hate Morrisey.”  The same way I hate Coldplay, but love “Everything Sounds Like Coldplay Now.”  (photo from westwash.org)

“The Cobra Snake” – You wouldn’t name yourself after most taggers.  There could be a matter of copyright infringement, there could be a drive-by.  But this guy will take exposure any way he can get it.  One of you will be accused of shamelessly piggybacking the other, but you’re guaranteed plenty of band photos.  Big downside:  You will probably be forced to dress up like Richard Simmons at some point.  (original photo

“Why Do You Keep Kicking Yourself?  STOP” – Nevermind.  This is probably already a Liars song title.  And CD cover.  (photo from roundonline.com)

“Always Harlem, Always Real” – Nothing screams legitimacy more than blackness.  That this seems to be part of a Coca-Cola ad would undermine that legitimacy... if we weren’t so concerned with the whole irony thing.  Just remember:  No matter how tempting it may be... never, ever perform in Harlem.  Pleasant bonus:  When your fans resort to the acronym, they’ll sound like an army of seals.  (photo from lisawhiteman.com)

“At the Risk of Sounding Ridiculous the True Revolutionary I Would Say is Guided by Principles of Love.”  Sure, there are a billion other quotes after which you could chose to name your band, but this one was spray painted!  On a wall!  (photo from lisawhiteman.com)

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