Hey, Ultragrrrl, Salon.com Gives a Shit About What You Think of Sanjaya Malakar

Sometimes life takes the time to let you know exactly where you stand.  Today, this turned up in my inbox:

Hey,
Salon.com wants to know if Ultragrrrl might have a few moments to respond to the statement below for a story we're doing.  Thanks!
[redacted]
Associate Music Editor, Salon.com

As you probably know, websites like Vote For the Worst and Howard Stern have latched on to Sanjaya Malakar as an opportunity to undermine "American Idol" -- if he wins, the thinking goes, then the show itself becomes a joke, credibility is lost, and the juggernaut that turned Simon Cowell into one the entertainment industry's richest men (and became Rupert Murdoch's biggest TV success) is derailed.So does that making voting for Sanjaya a subversive act?  Is it a vote against the "Idol" assembly-line pop machine? Or will it simply fuel the show's fire -- and make Cingular wireless a richer company? 

We'd love to know what you think. If you get a chance to respond by Tuesday, at noon, we'll include your comments in a Salon  that will go up Wednesday morning, the first full day of this week's vote. We're not asking for a lot here: A paragraph or so will do.

While I'm often mistaken for Ultragrrrl in public, this is the first time it's ever happened over the Internet.  I do get my fair share of foreigners and seven-year-olds - my core audience - writing me to say, "Lily I love youre music ur the best!!!"  But this is a journalist - an editor - writing for a respected publication.

Okay, well, Salon.

But still.

It doesn't really bother me that a journalist wouldn't first try U-Guh's site - where, admittedly, contact information isn't obvious - or her myspace, or her place of work.  Or her brother or ex-roommate.  Or that he wouldn't even check his own magazine's records, because she helped Salon out in an online talent search just six months ago.  It doesn't really bother me that a journalist would simply Google "ultragrrrl email contact" and decide that the fourth match must be what he's looking for.

After all, I wouldn't respect a journalist who tried really hard to find out what Ultragrrrl thinks about Sanjaya Malakar.  He's cobbling together a throwaway piece on a subject the rest of the world had already shrugged off last Thursday.  Why not send out a bunch of random e-mails and see what shit floats back?

What bothers me is this:  Am I not insignificant enough to be asked about some American Idol contestant?  I've spent most of my life running from responsibility and shying from the spotlight.  If you Google my name, my real name, you get a ‘whack.  I have a single philosophy:  Do No Harm.  When I'm dead and gone, no one will miss me.

How can I possibly be too important to opine, here?  Did I accidentally say something enlightening about Darfur, or suggest something useful concerning our government's beleaguered attempt at Middle East imperialism?  If there's anything I'm qualified to consider, it's Sanjaya fucking Malakar and the brouhaha re: his continued presence on a television talent show.

Please, world:  I have found something that truly does not matter.  And as someone who truly doesn't matter, I WILL SAY MY DUE.

Ahem.

I THINK the AI producers wake up every single day and thank their Lucky Charms for Sanjaya.  Were there a strong playing field, he'd be a hindrance.  But there's nothing interesting going on, on this show.  The best singer, Melinda Doolittle, is light years ahead talent-wise -- beyond criticism, the show's usual source of entertainment noted - but is too humble to have a personality.  The second best, Jordin Sparxxx, is young and bubbly and has a good voice and will probably win.  Whatever.  The rest of the cast is meat that gets tossed off the truck, every week.  It doesn't matter in what order they go, go they will.  The dirty, unspoken truth is that Malakar is not that much worse than everyone else on the show.

People worried about "the integrity" of the show should have far more important things to worry about.  People who think Vote for the Worst is a powerhouse must not have been paying attention the week both VFTW's chosen contestants, Sundance and Antonella, got voted off.  Howard Stern - who made satellite radio everything it is today! - matters to all those people still living in 1997.

There's always been a sizable audience for this show that tunes in to see a trainwreck.  The producers court those folks hard and heavy during the audition rounds, and now they've managed to find a voice - and a ponyhawk - who'll keep those folks watching through the mundane middle weeks.  All this contrived "controversy" is free press for them.  Cheaper than buying ads on Salon.com.  I'm guessing.  I'm not, like, going to Google around to find out.

Anyway.  I replied to [redacted] and let him know I'm not Ultragrrrl.  He came back with:

Sorry, I know.  But doesn't she post occassionally on your blog?  I was hoping you might be able to foward it to her.  Sorry for the confusion.

So:  For the record, I've never really met Ms. Lewitinn.  At least, I never got to second base.  I did have that Oohlas record in my Top Ten list last year, though.  So I can understand the confusion.  But if anyone happens to see her around, let her know.  Salon's looking for her.  And Sarah, since you're apparently known for posting occasionally on my blog, feel free to take the reigns for a guest-post or two.  Even if you want to talk about that dreamy Sanjaya Malakar.

tags: sanjaya malakar  sanjaya  ultragrrrl  american idol  salon  

links: digg this    del.icio.us    reddit