Heart on a Stick
Very Close to, if not actually in, the CD player:
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Quiet, Children. Speaker Pelosi is Blinking Secret Instructions to Me.
posted 01/24/2007
As an Advertising-American, I wanted to take fifteen seconds to endorse the integration of product placement into government broadcasts. The administration commandeers the major broadcast networks (plus NBC) and cable news channels and uses the time to lower the deficit by showcasing paying sponsors. Brilliant.
It works: After Baby Einstein entrepreneur Julie Aigner-Clark was sandwiched between hardwood hero Hakeem Olajuwon Dikembe Mutombo and Subway Superman Wesley Autrey on Tuesday night’s State of the Union address, ABC News anchor not-Peter-Jennings reported her company’s name skyrocketed in the Google rankings.
(Baby Einstein was acquired by Disney (which also owns ABC) in 2001.)
Which begs the question: Why wasn’t Autrey bellowing, “More meat! Less fat!” while holding a delicious Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki sandwich? Hakeem Dikembe – for goodness’ sake, you’re an athlete! Basketball stars keep proving they're nothing but billboards, and you’re wasting space on some sort of foreign Habitat-for-Humanity thing? How very un-American.
If a seat in the balcony and a brief mention from a president with a 28% approval rating can launch a million web searches, the possibilities are endless. Clips from the speech are going to be replayed around the world. Why doesn’t the prez Cowellesquely cradle a Diet Coke? Why not bring a boy’s choir into the Citicorp House of Representatives, have them quietly hum John Cougar’s #1 smash hit single “This is My Chevy (buy!)” during the speech?
Nancy Pelosi – Maybe she’s born with it, maybe it’s Maybelline.
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Not sure if Hillary Rodham Clinton would make a good president, but she’d get my vote for Crazed Gypsy Fortune Teller.
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About Autrey... Don’t get me wrong, what he did was brave and incredible and awesome and all the other stuff everyone’s already said about him. There isn’t a wesleyautrey.com. He should get a medal for that. And his boss is pretty incredible, too, for giving the guy enough time off to appear on every single televised chat show in the Western Hemisphere.
Did you know that short whiny woman from Will & Grace had her own show, now? Wow.
But while the man’s heroism is amazing, let’s not lose sight of the end result:
Wesley Autrey saved a film student’s life.
And really, was that such a good idea?
Imagine if you will: It’s 2027. You’ve plunked down $23.75 for another dull indie yapper or dull action megafest or dull teen romcom. “Directed by Cameron Hollopeter” flashes on the screen. And you think back to what might have been.
It’s 1987. You see Brett Ratner on a subway platform. A train’s coming. Wouldn’t you nudge, a bit?
As a reformed film school graduate, let me make a plea to young Hollopeter: You’ve been given a second chance, Cam. God looked down, saw a film student on the tracks, and shrugged. Everyone did. Everyone but Wes Autrey. Thanks to him you can make a lasting contribution to society. Enter the food service industry. Start working on your Real Estate Broker’s License. I hear there are great opportunities in transcontinental truck driving.
Make something of your life. But not a film about your life (and lire to lattes, some dumb kid with a DV camera is going to hop in front of a train this semester, trying to score a sweet shot in “Hollopeter-Vision”). No one wants to see that. Not even Wesley Autrey.
YES? YOU THERE IN THE BACK? (3)
2. J____ left...
01/24/2007 11:44 am :: http://heartonastick.blog-city.com/
My bad. I hear "Rockets center," I think Hakeem.
3. mjrc left...
01/25/2007 7:16 pm :: http://lostinyourinbox.blog-city.com
you're a better man than i am for actually watching it. have you seen this
snazzy thing? http://chir.ag/phernalia/preztags/ it's pretty cool.