As if the Onion's new difficult-to-navigate format wasn't obscene enough:

C'mon, guys: Let's not put the swirling, galactic cock right next to a photo of gape-mouthed third-graders. Especially on a page featuring articles that denounce the Ten Commandments while tossing around phrases like "spectacluar shows of force," "choking the roads," and "divide up her stuff."