Heart on a Stick
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OOSHTNIG TARS: An Actor’s Onmoloueg
posted 12/01/1998
(from the 11/29 episode of Play2Win)
“Okay, here’s our first game of the night, it’s called The Shuzzle. What you have to do is take a look at these letters – if they’re gonna pop up here, any second, I know it’s going to happen – there it is. Okay, we’ve got a whole scramble of letters. What you have to do is unscramble these letters to make the two words that we’re looking for. If you can do that, you have a shot to win tonight our first prize of the night of four hundred dollars.
“That’s right, I’m going to give away four hundred dollars to the person who’s going to be our live studio contestant tonight who can tell me what these two words are. If that’s you, pick up your phone dial [number] or send a text message with the word “Play” to [text info] – both of those are just a dollar-fifty – or you can go online free of charge [site]. This is your shot tonight at four hundred dollars. I want to give it away to you.
“Take a good look at the game. See if you can figure out what – what what these two words are, here. You just have to unscramble the letters. What am I looking at, here? What words are we looking for?
“Well, you see it starts out there on the side there with a ‘double-O.’ So, there’s a ‘double-O’ in there, I don’t know if those go next to each other, or maybe they’re spread out. That’s something for you to figure out. What are the two words we’re looking for? Can you figure it out?
“Pick up your phone if you know what these two words are and let me know. [gives phone number, gives texting info, gives online info] for your shot at this cash prize of four hundred dollars. I want to give it away to you live, tonight, on TV
“This is your shot at money! Your shot! At a big prize! Four hundred dollars is a lot for unscrambling a couple of words.
“What are we looking for? What are the two words we’re looking for? Can you figure it out? Can you unscramble these letters—
“Ooo, look at this! We’ve got an “S” there. That should help you out a little bit. It’s the first letter of the second word. What could it be?
“It’s a lot of letters! It looks like we have one-two-three-four-five-six-seven-eight... Looks like twelve letters in total. Eight letters in the first word, four letters in the second. What are the words we’re looking for? Can you figure it out?
“If you know what it is – I know it’s late, tonight – but if you can unscramble these letters to make the two words we’re looking for, you have a shot at four hundred dollars.
“If you want that money, you have to let me know you know what these two words are. You have to [gives phone number, gives texting info, gives online info] for your shot at this prize: Four hundred dollars.
“What are the two words we’re looking for? They’re not just two random words, these words go together. What are they? Can you figure them out? I want to talk to you tonight. I want you to be the live contestant, but you have to let me know that you know what The Shuzzle is. What the two words in The Shuzzle are!
“Look closely at it. Let me give you a little bit of help. If you’re having trouble with it, I want to help you out.
“This makes you feel lucky, it’s supposed to bring you luck, maybe. Do you know what it is? What brings you luck? Think about all the things that bring you luck and see if you can figure out what the two words are we’re looking for. If you can do that, if you KNOW what the words in The Shuzzle are, then pick up your phone! Let me know you know them, let me KNOW that you want this four hundred dollars! [gives phone number, gives texting info, gives online info] I want to give you the four hundred dollars, so play the game with me.
“That’s all you have to do, you have to play the game with me. You have to figure out what these two words are that we’re looking for. Can you do that?
“That’s the big question of the night: Can you do it?
[Reaches offscreen.] “See if I can reach my tea, it’s a little bit far over there. [Grabs tea from offscreen, sips.]
“What are we looking for, here? What are the letters – can you unscramble the letters to make the words we’re looking for? You’ve got them all there, right in front of you. You know what the FIRST letter of the second word is. You KNOW this brings you luck. What are we looking for? Can you figure it out? [gives phone number, gives texting info, gives online info]
“This is your shot! Four hundred dollars! Tonight! I’m going to give it away people. I going to give this money away, tonight, the question is: Is it going to be to you? Do you know what two words we’re looking for in The Shuzzle are? You have the—
“Ooo, look at this, I’m not even paying attention. Now you have a “T!” You have a letter in the first word AND the first letter of the second word! Can you figure out what we’re looking for?
“I think you can, I think you can get this. I’m pretty sure you can figure it out.
“I HOPE you can. That’s the big thing. I want to give this money away, and I’m going to, but it has to be to somebody who knows what The Shuzzle is. Can you “un-shuzzle” it? [gives phone number, gives texting info, gives online info] if you know what the two words in The Shuzzle are that we’re looking for. Because if you do, that’s worth four hundred dollars to you tonight.
“Can you do it? I want to talk to you live, on TV, tonight. But what are the two words we’re looking for? I don’t want to talk to you if you don’t know what the answer is! I mean, I like talking to you, buuuut – the point of this is to get the right answer, to get the cash. That’s how it works.
“So it would be nice to talk to you on the phone, but it would be even better to talk to you on the phone AND give you four hundred dollars. So, I want to give this money away but YOU have to know what the words are we’re looking for. Can you do it? [gives phone number, gives texting info, gives online info] if you can tell me what two words we’re looking for are.
“What are they? Beause they’re worth four hundred dollars to you if you know. If you can figure it out and you’re the one chosen as the live studio candidate tonight, this is your shot. FOUR. HUNDRED. DOLLARS.
“Now here’s some more help: You already know that they bring you luck, but let me help you out a little bit more. This is a tough one! There are about twice as many of these just before dawn, as opposed to – uh – right after dusk.
“Do you know what they are? You know they’re plural. Does that help you? There are multiple of them, I just gave that away. What are we looking for? Can you figure out what the words in The Shuzzle are?
“If you know what they are, this is your shot at the cash prize of four hundred dollars. Do you want this money? Can you figure out the word, and do you want the cash? If you do – if you have both of those, you know what the words are, and you want money, [gives phone number, gives texting info, gives online info].
“What are we looking for in The Shuzzle? Do you know what it is? What the two words are we’re looking for? You know that the first letter is an ‘S.’ Does that help you? First letter of the second word. ‘Make a wish.’ Does that help? ‘I wish... I had four hundred dollars.’ That’s a good wish.
“Can you figure out what this word is – what these two words are we’re looking for in The Shuzzle? [gives phone number, gives texting info, gives online info] This is your shot at the prize, four hundred dollars, do you want the money? And do you know what The Shuzzle is?
“That’s the question.
“What are we looking for, here, what are the two words we’re looking for? Something lucky. I said it was plural, now when I take a gooood look at this I don’t think it is. This isn’t plural, this is singular. The singular form of this. Let me correct myself. Just one is enough to feel lucky, so you only need one. [gives phone number, gives texting info, gives online info]
“Do you want four hundred dollars? Is that your wish? What are we looking for? What are the two words we’re looking for?
“This is better than luck, people. This is SKILL. Luck is nice, but it just comes along occasionally. This is SKILL.
“What are the two words we’re looking for? Based on these letters that you’re given right here, can you unscramble them to make the words we’re looking for? Now, the SCIENTIFIC name of this is a ‘meteor.’ Does that help? Now, I don’t see the word ‘meteor’ in here, anywhere, I don’t even see an ‘M.’ But that’s the scientific name of these words.
“What are we looking for? If you can figure out what the two words in The Shuzzle are [gives phone number, gives texting info, gives online info]. I want to talk to you on TV tonight and I want to give you four hundred dollars but you have to play the game.
“You have to know what the words in The Shuzzle are. That’s the key, here, that’s the key. We LIKE playing games, here. We want to play games! I love giving away cash, but I like the games!
“You have to register if you want a shot at the cash. You have to call in or text in or log on. Can you do it? [gives phone number, gives texting info, gives online info] for your shot at four hundred dollars. What are the two words in The Shuzzle, can you figure them out? Because it’s worth four hundred dollars to you tonight if you can.
[a countdown clock appears]
“TAKE a look at THIS!
“We’re going to a commercial break! In less than a minute, we are – we’re gonna be GONE. Only for a couple minutes, though, while you take a – take a look at a couple commercials. But what you have to do is USE this time, USE these forty-five seconds to take a GOOD look at the game, to see if you can figure out what the two words in The Shuzzle are, then, [gives phone number, gives texting info, gives online info] for your shot at four hundred dollars.
“If you need to, GET A PEN AND PAPER and WRITE THEM DOWN. Because when we go to commercial break, you’re not going to see me here. I’m not going to be giving clues, I’m not going to be able to help you, you’re going to have to do it ALL ON YOUR OWN. But you can still play all through the commercial break. So make sure you do that, because that’s a couple minutes extra that you have that other people might not have because they’re channel-surfing. Take a GOOD look at the game, see if you can figure it out, then call in, text in, or log on for your shot at four hundred dollars.
“I’ll be back after the break.
[two brief ads for The Tube Music Network and an “exciting phone dating line”]
“Hello, welcome back, I’m Tara, you’re watching Play2Win and right now we’re here playing The Shuzzle. What you have to do is take a good look at these letters, unscramble them to make the two words were looking for based on the letters here, then, pick up your phone [gives phone number, gives texting info, gives online info] for your shot at the prize of four hundred dollars.
[a clock appears, ticking noises]
“That’s what I’m giving away if you can figure out what these two words are. But take a look at this, we already have a clock up. That means that time is ticking away, time is running out for this game. When this clock is finished, when it’s empty, then you don’t have a shot at this four hundred dollars anymore!
“Amber’s going to come in, play another game. But you MAY NOT KNOW what the answers are in the other game! So now’s your shot. If you can unscramble THESE letters to make the TWO words that we’re looking for, you have a shot to win four hundred dollars, live, on TV tonight, I’m going to give that away.
“It could be yours, but you have to play the game, and you have to be FAST.
“Pick up your phone. You now have LESS THAN A MINUTE. [gives phone number, gives texting info, gives online info] for your shot at the prize, four hundred dollars. What are the words in The Shuzzle, can you figure them out?
“You’ve got a little help here already. You’ve got the first letter of the second word, and you’ve got a ‘T’ in the first word. Can you figure out what the words are we’re looking for? Can you unscramble these letters? Because if you can, you have a shot at four hundred dollars. You just have to take it! But you have to be fast, now! You now have less than thirty seconds. Pick up your phone. [gives phone number, gives online info] Or send me a text messages, I like text messages! [gives texting info] This is your shot. Four hundred dollars. You just have to take it. But you have to know what the two words in the Fair and Square are. Can you figure them out? [gives phone number, gives texting info, gives online info] but you have to be fast.
“What are the two words in The Shuzzle? Can you figure them out? That’s what it all boils down to. You have to know what these are, and you have to be quick, because time is really running out. Call in, text in, or log on... but...
“Time is up.
“They’re now frantically searching in the control room for somebody who knows what these two words are. Someone who’s played the game, who’s called, or texted, or logged on. Is that you? Did you play the game tonight?
“Do you know what these two words are? Somebody does.
“We’ve got someone on the line.
“Hello?”
[end scene]
YES? YOU THERE IN THE BACK?