I'd Like a Vice President with More Experience than the Average Medal-Winning Chinese Gymnast

The other day a white van with a sliding cargo door was starting and stopping, lurching and screeching, down 7th Avenue.  Hanging out the side:  John McCain.  Spry!  In command!  "You!" he shouted at passersby of all ages and races and genders and affiliations, "You are my new running mate!"

From the black bus following close behind, a pair of goons would jump out and grab the shortlisted, snatching infants out of strollers and the infirmed from behind walkers.

Star sighting!  Mary McDonnell!  An actor probably best known for her role on Battlestar Galactica, where she plays a Secretary of Education who - after the destruction of her home planet and all its elected officials - becomes president (and an intermittent religious guru).  The old man started to extend a craggy finger her way but brought it back.  "Too politics as usual," he muttered.

Instead, he turned and You There!'d at a freckle-faced red-headed tween seated on a concrete planter.  Kid was halfway through a Quiznos Turkey Ranch and Swiss sub, froze mid-chew.  "You there!" McCain barked again, either for emphasis or because he'd forgotten having said that a few seconds earlier.

"Are you of firm conviction and sound judgment?  Have you accrued a quality of character and quantity of experience that might effectively guide your hand when making choices that affect the whole of the Earth?  Are you willing to send agents to take lives and lose their own, oversee the redistribution of wealth throughout the world's richest nation, decide where the very line that defines Freedom should be drawn?  Do you love your country so much you're willing to sacrifice every notion of self while the people you pledge to represent both cower behind and constantly attack you?"

"Nuh-uh," the kid said.  "But I've got this nummy sammich."

"By God you're exactly what America needs!  Boys, toss him in the truck!"

tags: obamarama  palindrone  

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