Also, You Win a Truck!

What an awkward, phony-looking production this Nashville Star thing is.  I guess it's been on for years - hello, Miranda Lambert (and...um... um...) - but either they retooled it for its network debut and stuff hasn't settled, yet, or it's just perpetually creaky and ham-handed.  I was hoping for something sort of homey and Opryish.  But here's Achy Breaky Famous Daddy Billy Ray Cyrus as Chris Gaines as Ryan Seacrest!  Here's Jewel - no, seriously, Jewel! - calling a decision to perform Train's "Drops of Jupiter" a bold choice.

Jewel - no, seriously - reeks of authenticity envy, spends a lot of her critiquing time making sure contestants know just how many times (a billion, usually) she's done what they're trying to do, been where they be is.  And she doesn't even use the word "dawg!"

(She slept in a car, people.  She slept in a car in Alaska and then yodeled her way into our hearts and minds and on to VH-1.)

The judges, so far, have both been better than Idol's in that they were generally coherent and constructive, and worse in that they didn't fall into the standard reality competition triumvirate (hard-ass/soft shoulder/swing man) so you don't know what role each is there to play.  There was a hilarious taped moment from the auditions - the show jumped right into its Top Twelve, one of whom was discarded by the judges at the end of tonight's ep (this abbreviated schedule only serves to emphasize disposability) - when judge John Rich (of Big &) pulled out a guitar, started playing, and told a contestant something like, "Do you know this one?  Try this one."  Oh no the judges have brought instruments.

(There's some upcoming confusion wherein the contestants will be divided into three teams - Men, Women, and Ladyboys Groups - and the judges will also be coaches.  Whatever.)

Taylor Swift, who I'll say I like because everyone says I must, performed.  And then was judged!  Was judged to be excellent!  Awkward.  One of the judges said she "maximized our brand potential."  Or something like that.

(The third judge is Jeffrey Steele, who was apparently in a band called "Boy Howdy," and who has some serious bone structure going on.)

No Brits or Aussies or people who're otherwise ferrin, ‘cause this is country.  There was an African-American dude (who nervously, messily overworked his song's melody and was subsequently overpraised).  And two of the eleven remaining contestants have connections to the military.  Which is nice, because it reminds everyone that we're still at war.  But isn't so nice because it inevitably factors into the competition.  What, you're going to vote the dude in the navy off the show and send him back to Iraq?

Two acts I liked.  Melissa Lawson got an unfortunate clip package wherein the emphasis was all about how she's a big girl, "not a size six," not a wee hot blonde thing.  Like Jewel!  But all the UGoGirl stuff was unnecessary b/c she's got a big voice.  She harps hard on the sass - she sang "Let's Give Them Something to Talk About" - but had fun and has a more powerful instrument than any of the others.  And Laura & Sophie are lifelong best friends who are 16 & 18 (those must have been two very lonely years for one of them) and never spend any time apart and never do anything but sing together.  Creepy!  But, other than some flubbed high notes at the end, their "Stand by Your Man" was pretty awesomely harmonized.  Also, xx Tammy Wynette.

In conclusion:  It's kind of hot outside, folks.

tags: nashville star  

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