You’re Not Even Alive

If a falling tree plays a goddamn concert at Anthology Film Archives, does it exist?

I’m talking Jandek, here, a mythical beast on the order of Sasquatch, or the Loch Ness Monster, or the president’s conscience.  But this beast is on the move and harder to catch than the elusive and legendary Pipsquack Bird.

There’s a lot of circumstantial evidence concerning Jandek – 42 CDs’ worth, actually.  Falling somewhere between Henry Darger and Daniel Johnston, the Texan singer-songwriter has been sitting alone in a room since 1978 just recordin’ his tunes.  He doesn’t do press, he doesn’t tour.  Just about everything that is known about Jandek is known from his music... and a quick peek at some song titles reveals a little too much time spent in isolation:  Quiet reflection (“I’ll Sit Alone and Think a Lot About You”) is complemented by a decent amount of dementia (“When the Telephone Melts”) and panicky self-awareness (“Why Did I Change a Word in the Last Song?”).  He has a song called “May 3” AND one called “May 7, 9:15AM” (Really makes you wonder what happened on the fourth through the sixth, don’t it?).

But this isn’t about Jandek (if you’d like to know more, here’s a little sumpin-sumpin); it’s about how difficult it is to SEE Jandek, even when he’s touring.

That’s right:  After almost thirty years of making music, the man’s coming out from behind the curtain.  Last year he manifested himself at an unannounced appearance in Scotland, and followed with another pair of UK performances.  Now he’s mounting a whopping THREE CITY U.S. TOUR – Austin, New Orleans, and New York.

And the NYC venue he’s chosen is a movie theater.  Anthology Film Archives.  Rock on.

The biggest problem (other than the incredibly uncomfortable seating and questionable acoustics) is that the AFA numbnuts have no idea how to handle a show.  For at least a month, the only acknowledgement regarding a ticket sale date was a cut-and-pasted e-mail from an Anthology employee that was floating around the Internet; it said that all tix would be going on sale in person – no phone or Internet sales – at AFA and at Other Music on 8/8.  A couple days before the onsale date, the AFA events page said to check back on the eighth for more info.

On the eighth, there was no new info (not even the ticket price, which at least turned out to be a reasonable $25) posted on their website (whoever runs that thing is wholly incompetent and should be fired).  Multiple phone calls to Anthology did no good – the guy at their box office (who only picked up about half the time) seemed like he’d had his memory erased between each call.  I had to re-explain the situation every time, and every time he’d yell his questions off to someone in the background.  Other Music referred me back to Anthology.  Finally, around 2:30PM Other Music said, “They’re here!”  Great.  I was way uptown at that point.  By the time I got to OM, all the tickets were gone.  “When they marched them over, it was like this wave of people came with them.” 

Anthology now said that – changing the story from before – 100 tix had been reserved for internet sales two days later, on Ticketweb, at noon.

Actual info!  Shocking.

Of course, come that onsale date, Ticketweb didn’t have an entry for the event.  The  AFA events page, which still promised that it would be updated the day before, mentioned a 1PM sale time for online tix, but no mention of Ticketweb.  Again, the box office guy knew nothing... until after 1PM, when they finally announced that they’d go onsale at 4PM.

I had a previous commitment at 4; when I got out at 6, tickets were gone.  The AFA site now says that the show is “100% Sold Out.”  “Thank you for the high volume of interest in the event,” it says.  Thanks for nothin’, says I.

I hope some real die-hard Jandek fans got the tickets.  I really do.  I’m not one of them, I’m more of a come-lately curiosity-seeker; I don’t own a single one of Jandek’s 42 CDs.  So I hope that those 200 (?) tickets went to real fans.  People who came down from Boston to wait in line.  People who got through to Ticketweb when the tickets finally went on sale at 5PM.  Because I suspect that the tickets went to a lot of press and to AFA and OM employees and scalpers.

Or maybe, like Jandek, the tickets don't really exist.

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Tickets ARE still available in New Orleans.  What is wrong with you people?

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On a happier note, Local H is back on the road.  A live CD comes out in September, followed by a short tour.  They’re in NYC at (ugh) the Tribeca Rock Club on October 21st; other dates are here.

I will only mention that show about 30 million more times between now and then.

tags: indie music  jandek  anthology film archives  

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