In Honor of Charles de Mar, The Kids Are Smoking Digital Parsley

So I let the tube run after Lost (Guys, please:  Just.  Kill.  The.  Hobbit.), last night, and Channel 7 news had a feature about how Kids These Days are getting stoned... on music.

Because you can't P2P modeling glue.

I-Doser promises that its "advanced binaural beats" will "synchronize your brainwaves to the same state as the recreational dose.  Mixed with our advanced auditory pulses are soothing backtracks of ambient soundscapes to help the brain induce of state of mood life, euphoria, sedation, and hallucination."  That last sentence doesn't make any sense, so this shit MUST WORK.

A testimonial on their front page says, "I just felt colours!"

The FAQ includes such fascinating Q's as "My headphones won't stretch to a comfortable place, like my bed?"

Who are these guys?

"The I-Doser group consists of several teams of underground music and tonal experts, programmers, testers, researchers and admins.  We all take the I-Doser project very serious [sic] and with a professional attitude."  The creator doesn't give his name, but has linked to a shirtless photo of himself.

The company's store sells packs of "Recreational Simulations" that include Trip, Rave, Absinthe, Cocaine, and Peyote; more elaborate (or, at least, more elaborately named) designer "doses" are available ("French Roast?"  Seriously?).  Their forum mentions that they've been working on "Orgasm" since 2005.  Hey, so has Sting.

BUT DOES IT WORK?

You can sample "Marijuana" on their myspace; brief clips of "Peyote" and "Trip" are streaming here.  Be careful!  I opened both those windows at the same time and OMG... nothing happened.

Actually, "Marijuana" makes me want to pee.

A mix of synths and sound effects, it feels like the I-D folks have successfully developed a way to repurpose new age relaxation tapes.  Their homegrown techno gobbledyspeak is very in-your-face about how much you're not taking real drugs:  You  "dose" on ".drg files."  How ballsy is it to sell something basically called "Placebo" (not Placebo) and include warnings that "Because of the extreme [sic] powerful nature of this dose, it is intended for ADVANCED I-Doser users ONLY?"

The "I-Doser Requires Approved Headphones" - there's a link to these puppies -and a disclaimer notes the "sample dose" playing on the myspace page is compressed.  "Full effects from an I-Doser dose can not be achieved through compressed sound files."  Also:  "Purchased doses should be used for entertainment purposes only."

"I-Doser makes no medical, psychological, physical, or otherwise, claims to the effectiveness of the I-Doser Application."  So it's as harmless and useless as, say, The Shins.

Channel 7's medical consultant was quick to call bullshit on the whole idea.  I-Dosing won't get you stoned any more than Music for Airports will give you the sensation you're being strip-searched by Homeland Security, any more than this shit will keep you warm.  And while the TV people got typically local-news-panicky - This could be a new gateway "drug!"  And anchor Bill Ritter's stiff, ReeferMadnessish intro about kids "getting high... like high on drugs!" was pretty classic - there's only one serious side-effect.

Like The Shins, I-Dosing will make the user dull.

Generation 2.0 is pretending to get stoned and uploading the results to YouTube.  Later, I suppose, they can Photoshop a picture that'll show just how weird they pretended to feel.  "That was good, I guess," says one kid.  "I only did 54%, but I just... I got so bored."  That's pretty much the exact opposite effect drugs have.  Drugs are there to make the mundane fascinating.  Daydreams aren't hallucinations.

Perhaps the I-Doser isn't so much a scam as a subversive way to get kids to sit still, shut up, meditate.   While there are no "doses" explicitly named "Ritalin" or "Babysitter's Delight," their store does have categories like "Sleep," "Sedative," and "Antianxiety."

*

Real drugs, they entertain:

Officer Edward Sanchez - We Made Brownies and I Think We're Dead I Really Do (mp3) (via BoingBoing)

Hilarious.

If this hadn't been an actual 911 recording, an actual news story - cop uses confiscated pot, freaks out - I'd question its legitimacy.  The mother-in-law thing is too perfect a punchline, the hockey score hallucinations are crank-call left-field.

But it's real, or so they tell me, and I'm going to try to use the word "Brownie-wise" at least three times a day.

*

On a concertgoing sabbatical, right now, but were I not I'd be torn between two of tonight's shows.

For those who find words get in the way:  Mono (myspace) is at the Bowery Ballroom; having seen both bands exactly once, I'd say they do the 2nd-gen Godspeed! stuff at least 65% better (and, incidentally, louder) than Explosions in the Sky.  They're headlining an all post-rock bill; I'm not crazy about World's End Girlfriend (myspace), but you might find it worth your while to show early for Portland, Oregon's Grails (myspace).  They avoid the loud-soft-loud thing in favor of suite-like compositions that dabble in early Floyd psychedelia, spaghetti western atmospherics, middle eastern flavor.  Among other things.  They broke a tambourine in half, when I saw them at the Neurot showcase during CMJ. (tix)

Mono - The Flames Beyond the Cold Mountain (edit) (mp3) (buy)

Grails - Dead Vine Blues (mp3) (buy)

Grails - Stray Dog (mp3) (buy)

Grails - The Monastery (mp3) (buy)

Out of curiosity, I might have headed to Roseland.  Mastodon (myspace - and why have both audio and video links start automatically?  Jesus.) is metal, and I don't particularly care for that.  But with so little critical weight thrown behind anything rock-oriented, lately, I feel I should check these darlings out at some point.  I've been meaning to see smart Floridian poli-punkers Against Me! (myspace) for some time (and I really have no excuse, as they tour and they tour and they tour). 

And Cursive (myspace), whom I've seen twice before, put out one of my favorite CDs of last year.  As anti-religious rants go, Happy Hollow was more hamfisted than The Thermals' Body, etc.  And better.  I'd thought Tim Kasher was a fool for dumping the strings that gave Ugly Organ its cohesion; instead, he was a genius.

He knew what everyone else will realize any day now:  The cello is to Aught-era Indie Rock what the flute was to ‘70s hippie-dippy bullshit.

Hollow doesn't work as well cut into parts (and those label-sanctioned free downloads below aren't the best tracks); for all its choppy emo and horn blare,  the whole's both a surprising and a cohesive listen.

Though the venue leaves much to be desired, and you could see the individual acts in smaller spaces, part of the bill's attraction was seeing these bands' fans piling together, crossing over.  And I think it's all-ages, which makes it even better.  (tix)

Against Me! - Sink Florida Sink (live) (mp3) (buy)

Against Me! - Don't Lose Touch (mp3) (buy)

Against Me! - Cliché Guevara (mp3) (buy)

Cursive - Dorothy at Forty (mp3) (buy)

Cursive - Bad Sects (mp3) (buy)

And:  Yoshimi (of OOIOO and Boredoms and Pink Robots fame) is doing a set with Kim Gordon at the first night of the No Fun Fest.  Keiji Haino is there Saturday!  I did a day at No Fun last year; Fat Worm of Error was the spazzy, WTF highlight for me (Someone needs to get that band out on to a festival stage in front of an unsuspecting crowd).  In general, I'd rather see these acts individually.  It's a lot of show, brownie-wise, and after a while the nonstop noise and the weed stink got to me.

tags: idose  cursive  mono  grails  

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