If You Don't Come to My Party, We'll Shoot This Negligible Local Act

I'd been wondering why dispirited interns were outside the Bowery Ballroom, Tuesday night,  forcing copies of The Village Voice on folks exiting the sold-out Battles concert.(*)  Turns out the world's best-known corporate weak-altly isn't a newspaper, it's a party invite!

The front page of the current issue's music section - usually home to music editor Rob Harvilla's weekly bit of whatever - was handed over to Tricia "Fly Life" Romano.  There, the rag's resident boîtewaffle sang the praises of the act headlining her column's upcoming fifth-anniversary party.

The conflict of interest is noted in an addendum - an addendum which takes the opportunity to list a number of other party performers - and begs the musical question:  Is it possible to have a conflict of interest when there's nothing interesting involved?  While I'm sure it'll knot the pubes of sometime Voicer Chris Ott, the piece is even more yawn-inducing (also, smaller-boobed) than Romano's recent Ultragrrrl cover story.

The article concerns Romano's night out with The Pierces (myspace), a sister act from Alabama that's settled in New York after having failed at two different major labels.(**)  The gals bowl!  They kar'oke!  The sisters call people "idiots!"  Romano calls the sisters "charming!"  They phone professional Garth Jackson Pollis!  He refuses to join them!

This is the front page of the Voice music section.  Thought I'd mention that again.  For effect.

Oh, there's music.  Or whatever you want to call this:

The Pierces - Boring (mp3) (buy) (via)

Love that nose trumpet!

According to Romano, "Boring" is "a self-fulfilling prophecy that exhausts its irony before the first verse yawns out."  No, wait.  That's me.  Romano says it's a "lounge-pop hit," that its video ("shot in" - wait for it - "luminous black and white") is "a bit of an Internet sensation."(***)  This is how the award-winning journalist describes the sisters' new CD, Thirteen Tales of Love and Revenge:

Rife with hooks and carried along by the duo's delicate harmonizing, the record's sound is both stripped and lush, all sweetness and light, infused with a healthy sense of humor and whimsy and cartoonish menace, as though an Edward Gorey character met Alice in Wonderland.

Wow.  That's not an album review,  that's an open call for a new Voice copy editor.  Oh, hey, here's another one:

The two sisters are so close, they finish each other's sentences and hang out every single day-now complicated by the fact that Catherine has new digs in Williamsburg, making it harder to meet up in the East Village near Allison's apartment.

Easier to finish someone else's sentences when the second part has nothing to do with the mayonnaise on onion rings is awesome!

It's tempting to root for Catherine and Allison Pierce.  "Struggling singer/songwriters prove the third time's the charm when they strike a vein with a lo-budget vid made by friends."  Or something like that.  And why not push the "hot sisters" angle, if that's what you've got.  But then you hear the music - at their myspace (where "Boring" isn't even a featured track), at Hype Machine, wherever - and it's rudimentary, undistinguished.(****)

I'll even go so far as to say that I like a lot about the chorus in "Boring;" it's full-bodied and Bond-y.  But the rest of the thing's like that scene in Casino Royale where they torture Daniel Craig by pounding his testicles with a knotted rope.

The Pierces' last scheduled NYC appearance, as far as I can tell, was as the first of three bands on a Bowery Ballroom bill (they called out sick).  Who knows?   Maybe they're the Next Big Thing.

But, gosh, it feels like Romano twaddled off a page of nada to make the band that's headlining her party happy... and to make a group that's getting some small notice from a novelty song look a lot more important than they are.  Please, help Tricia stuff her Box:  According to The Pierces' myspace, you can RSVP to the invitation-only party by e-mailing rsvpthebox@gmail.com.  The actual party flyer mentions you have to RSVP by 4/11 for the April 10th gig.

(*) This didn't actually happen.

(**)  Sony released their self-titled first record in 2000; Universal put out Light of the Moon four years later.  Now they're on Lizard King - a label without a real website, whose "most notable success" was introducing The Killers to the UK... though the guy with the relationship with that band is no longer with the label.

(***)  YouTube stats show the video has been viewed over 34,000 times... that's only 13.9 million fewer views than that thing where those two girls lip synch that Pixies song.  Next time, try light sabers.

(****)  I should qualify that I've never seen the band live.  Maybe they're amazing live.  Maybe they kill.  Maybe they're transcendent.  But I doubt it.  And nothing in their music makes me want to go find out.

*

Hooray!  30 Rock has been renewed.  And returns for a one-off at 8:44 tonight, with guest star Will Arnett!  Wait:  8:44?  NBC, this is the reason no one watches television anymore.  Luckily, it's always 8:44 somewhere.

Totally unrelated:  Marry, Boff, Kill?  The Jolie orphans.

tags: the pierces  village voice  

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