Vampire Sixty-Two Minutes

Lost a bet with life and found myself up yawn Midtown West, at the epicenter of dullness, steeped in bro-smoke.  Had I any sense of forethought I'd have auctioned myself off for the experience... but that really wouldn't have been fair to anyone but the chosen charity; I went to give these kids one last chance before dragging the cobwebs off the long-promised, hopefully forgotten, inconclusion to ye olde 53 Reasons thing.  [Also, Vampire Weekend are not as painful as Rent: The Movie.  (Pull quote.)]

(Folks with any sense have long assumed I'd never finish it; unfortunately I lack such sensibilities.  The piece haunts my every waking moment!  I declare December for the leftovers, will be clearing out anything in my drafts queue that seems worth a half-bother.  When I fling my shit at the church door it will likely be disorganized, pointless, and unreadable, but it will be done.  Anything that doesn't make it out by the end of the year will be flushed.)

This was the first time I'd been to the Bowery Presents' massive Schlachthaus Fünf venue, and at first I was pleasantly surprised.  Had heard nothing but awful about the place, but for something that's touted as having the capacity of Hammerstein Ballroom, 5,000 or thereabouts, the floor felt narrow and relatively intimate.  The balconies are a bit of a viewing disaster, but at General Admission shows balconies are for pussies and V. I. Pussies.

The sound, though, yikes.  The place apparently used to be a Bridge & Tunnel Danceteria, and I can see how that might work fine.  Room's like having your head in the kick-drum, a tom strapped to each ear.  If the act makes a sufficient amount of noise, it all gets muddied up and mown down by the beat.

Not bad for this headliner; though the effect both bolstered and showcased the band's biggest weakness, the spare pretty upper register stuff was thin enough to stay audible.  Will try to get to what makes them tick - or, rather, plod - before 2009.  But for now, if you have money to throw away and you're having trouble sleeping, or are a special needs teenager, or are trying to get into the pants of a special needs person of legal age, you could do worse than seeing this band at this place.

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But that's not what I'm here for.  I'm here for Arts and Crafts Thursday!  It's time for arts and/or crafts!

This week, we're going to make last night's openers, The Teenagers, a better band!

To participate, you will need the following:

1. A hammer.
2. A section of 2x4 about three feet long.
3. A nail at least four inches long.
4. Five minutes in a dark alley with their lead singer.

Their song "Homecoming" is the most pathetic thing I've heard in a while - you can stream it at the band's myspace - though this version is fine:

The Teenagers - Homecoming (Seventies Era Fifties Nostalgia Show Tune Soundtrack Remix)(mp3) (buy)

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Also there:  A Contentious Lean., Hey Sis, See This?!, If You're Familiar With a Snorkel, We All Want Someone To Shout For, White Lightning

tags: vampire weekend  the teenagers  

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